How To Lose Fans And Alienate People: PART 1
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Everything within this story is purely fictitious and derived from my own warped mind. Any resemblances/similarities with any bands etc are purely coincidental.
Also if you like the story then please post it to Twitter, Digg and all the other social bookmarking services found at the bottom of the article.
Things to know before reading:
- Building name is: RockStopScene.
- FML = F**k My Life.
STORY PART 1 STARTS HERE:
Of course as a journalist you always have that worry in the back of your mind that the band you’re interviewing are going to rush through the questions as fast as possible so they can get home to play on their Gameboy Colours – seriously bands love outdated technology; ever wondered why the majority of bands can’t do a live webchat via Ustream? They’re using Windows 95 I tell you!
But today, today was going to be different. I was informed that Happy Hour an Emo band from London I was scheduled to interview in 10 minutes time had turned up early:”send them in Carrie Oakey” I replied to my secretary who seemed more interested in texting her boyfriend song lyrics then actually being of some use.
Readers, I can not explain the abhorrent sight that I was greeted with, but I shall endeavour to do my best. Three band members walked in unison, the first who’s name became known as John walked down the corridor holding his ‘designer pooch’, clearly oblivious to the ‘no pets’ sign found at the entrance, he also missed the ‘have a shower’ sign by the smell of it too. Next was Big D a small drawf-ish character with such a squeaky voice it was sometimes hard to differentiate him from a helium canister. And last but not least was Peter who insisted on wearing no t-shirt in case the mainstream media was around to: “take some sexy pics” or so he says anyway. Unfortunately the other two band members Sam and Cameron couldn’t be here today due to: “work commitments” – It was only after the interview I realised they all do the same job. Bands and their petty excuses, tch!
“It’s not always been easy for us” explains John as he sweeps his air in a somewhat ’secret society’ sort of way. “I mean we used to actually have to work for girlfriends but now we get knickers thrown at us from left, right and centre.. or in Big D’s case sometimes they land directly on his head” to which Big D can be seen casting a scowl. I then proceeded to ask the band: “describe in less then 5 words what being in Happy Hour means to you” with Big D swiftly replying “‘ ‘rate fit people ‘nd dosh”. The band unanimously started laughing but I couldn’t decipher whether it was at Big D’s stupidity, squeaky voice, or back to front t-shirt.
With an interview that couldn’t possibly get any worse, I decided to call an emergency ‘lunch break’ leaving the three of them in the Cafe amused by the simplistic nature of Pokemon Yellow whilst I took refuge in my car to seek redemption for the sins I must have caused in a past life to gain such bad luck. It was only then I noticed someone had removed the first letter from our building and replaced it with a ‘C’, FML.
PART 2 COMING NEXT WEEK!
