I know what you’re thinking: “Lol, @ this noob, the Kerrang! Awards 2011 haven’t even happened yet”. Well I say to you Mr. Captain Obvious wherever you are in the world; you’re about to read a review of something I haven’t even been to.

Yes you heard me, I’ve finally cracked and decided to review things from my imagination!

I imagine that I shall arrive on the Kerrang! Awards red carpet with a string of paparazzi, guards and police following me. I assume I’ll then meet a security guard named Big Dave – who’s secretly a softy inside – he’ll then say to the mass gathering behind me: “Nope, there isn’t anyone called Brock Lee on this guest list”. The crowd shall then automatically erupt into a fit of laughter, even the parents who’ve been waiting with their kids since 4am can be seen flashing a smile – emphasis on flashing there.

Bearing in mind this is my imagination, anything I want can happen, so lets do this!

Anyhoo, I’ll then walk back down the carpet being man-handled by the guards for like a second, then some really hot Page 3 models will take over saying they can’t understand why ‘Brock Lee can be such a bad thing” – they’ll get it soon bless ‘em! – Upon being dropped off at the bottom of the street by some wonderful ‘assistants’ I’ll then notice a giant pineapple run by – poor Spongebob!

What Tumbleweed 'may' look like.

Of course it’ll then dawn on me that within this costume is none other then Harry Potter Hedwig Calvin Harris! The same mischievous character who disrupted Jedward during one of their many emotional performances.

You know, I also reckon Calvin will try to use the same name as I used for the guest list. But the only response he gets from the crowd will be a tumbleweed – I’m not describing the atmosphere by the way – it’ll be some form of new cuddly Pokemon that only has tumble attack.

After that the phone inside the coat I’m wearing will go off with 3 texts at once, popular or what? – One will say: “We’ve received your sexual health test results back from the lab, we need to speak to you urgently”. The next’ll be something like: “Hi, what r u up 2? Frum mum”. Finally the last one shall be: “Wotin coountdoown? From Nanz” – You know I don’t think she’ll ever grasp the concept of pressing one key at a time.

My mate David’ll then come up to me like: “Alright Jamie mate? Can I have my coat back, it isn’t half cold.” I’ll then give the coat back and slow-motion Baywatch run up to a nearby open door – just to escape the wrath of David – I swear he’s got major 24/7 PMT.

At this point I’ll be grabbed by one of the Kerrang! workers who’ll mistake me for some good bands lead singer Metro Station Lostprophets, yeah that’s the one! I’ll go with that.

Anyway, I’ll skip off arm-in-arm with the Kerrang! worker ’cause you know it’s suddenly turned into Wizard of Oz and be taken to my seat.

Then when I get there Ian’s sat there all like ‘wtf’ and I’m like: “I’M SO YOUR BIGGEST FAN, CAN I HAVE A PIC WITH YOU?’ Then everyone will laugh again – making me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

A little later on I’m still in the Kerrang! venue – ’cause I’m thought to be so cool they’ve let me stay. – I’ll meet all the bands, have pictures taken, and be given an awesome Kerrang! goody-bag. Then after making my way back home I’ll come on this PC, go to my website and start writing a review – it’ll get a 5/5 – fer sure!

Overall I give my Kerrang Awards experiance a cracking: 5/5!

Lets just hope you’ll get to visit too someday.

Ps: Everything within this article is from my own warped mind.  Anything found in this article is purely imagination and in no way reflects the opinions or views each company has.