Many good bands experiment with genres other than their own from time to time, right? Yes, and it is with this seemingly taut ideology in mind that I feel justified in allowing RockStopScene to experiment in its own way. Here is my review – if you could call it that – of the ‘somewhat’ recent Movie: 2012.

The Mayan calendar ends in the year 2012. I have used this short fact as the opening sentence to my review of the 2009 budget-shattering blockbuster “2012”, but the caveat is, you probably already knew it anyway. There are even those that take the stance of believing that this can only mean the end of the world as we know it. To say, however, that there are many people out in the modern world who adhere to this philosophy, would certainly be a false statement. It’s good then, that most of the paying customers queuing up to see this motion picture will have a less than severe confidence in the validity of the subject matter, because they are going to have a lot more fun watching it if they just don’t take it seriously. Maybe this is a good thing, there must be some people out there who are bored of thinking their way through a film by now. We, as the public, are bombarded with hour after hour of heavily researched and richly presented material: scripts with sincerity bleeding out from between each letter, carrying an altogether weighty piece with the lofty intention of evoking a deep thought or two, or maybe even making a lasting impression on the viewer, should they dare tread this far into the murky depths of film-making, (they wouldn’t want to appear pretentious now, would they?) Yes, it is a good thing that the characters in this film are flat, and one dimensional; it is a good thing that the plot is full of holes that could swallow a land carrier with greater ease than the many fissures adorning the Earth that this 158 minute excursion so abundantly offers. It is a good thing that the script is made from various clichéd passages from other films you have seen, pasted together in the form of a somewhat original manuscript; because it just wouldn’t be a “disaster movie” if the disaster couldn’t be attributed to the movie its self in some way would it?

The acting talent on display is the first issue. Throughout the film solid performances are made, but with such a flimsy script to work with, the delivery is often dry, and at times you just have to concede to the fact that with bad lines, even the best actor can fail to make a positive impression. Leading man John Cusack plays the main protagonist: a failed writer, divorced father, and only the first tireless cliché we will encounter throughout our time with this film together. The minor roles and child talent in the film are actually surprisingly strong; nine year old Morgan Lily takes the role of the family’s youngest child, and her acting prowess runs parallel to that of Cusack’s on numerous occasions throughout the feature, even taking herself the accolade of being better than him at times, due to the simple fact that she is the only one who takes the initiative to cry once or twice amidst the unfathomable destruction that is constantly buzzing around them. For Cusack – someone with over fifty full length motion pictures under his belt – that is a somewhat unsettling prospect. The other characters you would expect are all here too. The caring and infallible mother, portrayed by Amanda Peet; the much loved, yet of course resented step father – Tom McCarthy; and the crazy scientist who predicted it all but whose warnings were never heeded, played by Hollywood star Woody Harrelson. There is very little characterization to speak of, so the bulk of the trauma this family are subjected to goes by without even a spring of emotion teased from the viewer, an affliction which ironically mirrors the stone cold portrayal offered by most of the actors. Again credit can only be given to Lily, as she carries her character’s affinity for hats – the only character trait presented in the entire film – convincingly enough.

I will give the production crew some credit. The director really did have haughty ambitions with this piece. Roland Emmerich (a highly esteemed director of many films of the same genre) says this will be his final disaster film: “I said to myself that I’ll do one more disaster movie, but it has to end all disaster movies. So I packed everything in.” And pack everything in, he did. The film is almost over encumbered with one death-defying escape after another. If you can imagine a scenario where our dysfunctional family unit could escape a cruel and swift death at the last second, they do it here. Crumbling runways? Check. Outrunning a cloud of volcanic ash in an unreliable vehicle? Check. Landing a seemingly impossible jump from one side of a freshly formed canyon to another in the very same vehicle? Check. How about scrambling under an automatic door just before it slams shut? Yes, believe it or not, that is here too. There will be times where the film will shock you with its hackneyed ‘been there, done that’ style. This is two and a half hours of content that you have seen before, but although it is not original, it is regurgitated here for a reason: It is entertaining.

The plot touted is seemingly well thought out at first, but once the action starts to unfold, you will quickly see that it is just a façade, that once peeled away only reveals more inconsistencies and plot holes. The science which it is based around is not even correct, but your average viewer will likely not respond to such critique, as they merely do not know any better. This unfortunate revelation is enough cause to say that if you were hoping for a near documentary representation of how it could really happen, that will tug at your heartstrings and show you how a real human being would react in any given situation, you should look elsewhere. I revealed earlier that you should not take this film seriously, and I will reiterate that point purely so you do not feel insulted by what Emmerich expects you to believe is in the realms of realistic cinema. No, this film is not realistic, it is quite the opposite: a spectacular show of brilliant special effects and an unadulterated thrill ride. No, the characters divulged are not lifelike representations, nor do they respond in a fashion which any real person would given the untoward circumstances, but it is entertaining enough to watch them, if you can manage – even if only for a moment – to turn off your mind, and allow yourself to believe that “that was physically possible”, or that “such a thing wouldn’t have killed them instantly”. After all, we all need a bit of light entertainment from time to time. While technically not “the disaster movie to end all disaster movies”, we can always hope that by some fortunate coincidence, it will be anyway, so that we can finally be saved from repeated exposure to this kind of condescending, pyrotechnical light-show once and for all.

Article by: Jake